There is no handbook. There are no rules.

There is no handbook. There are no rules.

Then why would someone do this? I often ask myself the very question. Usually when I’m standing in the middle of a home that’s a mess. Staring at a floor plan that completely doesn’t work and a cat that won’t get the hell out of my shots.

Remember, I was pulled into this. An energy far greater than something we mortals can comprehend. I ‘had’ to shoot professionally. Weddings/events were out. Really, do I want to spend every weekend with “Bridezilla” and “Mother of Bridezilla”?

But for some reason, real estate / architectural photography stood out. And somehow, soon, without much in the way of planning, I was photographing houses.

Well how do you photograph a house? It’s not like any other photography I can tell you that. If you photograph architecture (a house or like structure) as you would photograph a wedding, baby shower, engagement or similar you will lose. It doesn’t work.

Lots of technical reasons that I won’t go into here. But try as you might - even if you are a seasoned professional photographer - photographing houses like people will be a disaster. And to prove it, I got called to re-shoot a house that was photographed by an amazing professional.

I saw the listing images and right away knew they were a pro. A damn good pro at that. Their people images were exceptional and inspirational. But homes/interiors are an entirely different animal and their images didn’t work.

There isn’t a handbook on how to do this. There are videos online which do help some. That and studying the images of the great Master Architectural Photographers helped me to get going and refine my work.

But when an agent hires you and expects beauty and perfection yesterday all while you are staring at a complete train wreck, there’s nothing to fall back on. You ‘go’ or you implode.

Remember my “Therapy” invoice line item? I really left money on the table by not including that. See, you think real estate agents have hectic careers (they do), we photographers do as well.

Many times it’s an uneventful trip. But that’s not the case more often than you think. And you have to be intuitive and creative along with fucking lucky to get through it.

The “uneventful” shoots usually don’t teach you much. I mean, you go through the technical aspects of the shoot and at the end you deliver. Over and done.

What really teaches you are the disasters. Besides, who wants to hear about uneventful stuff?

However, the minute I say “I did this shoot with a completely insane, crazy woman. She was absolutely nuts!” You’ll sit down and beg for the story. It’s human nature and we all love a good train wreck.

I think we want to hear about that because it makes us feel somewhat more normal. Somewhat.

So, yeh, insane woman shoot. Did that, and actually had to return the next day because of weather issues as Mother Nature decided to dump a couple of inches of rain right about the time I was going to do the exteriors.

Next day I was back. She was nice, but still nuts. Completely. And that’s my assessment after all these years of studying human psychology.

Did the shoot and subsequent exteriors. The house, a newer, nice McMansion was riddled with insanity and chaos. Did I mention that I can feel and sense the energy of a house? Well, I can. It’s a gift and a curse. And when I’m working with the house (as in photographing it) I can take on some of those feelings. Weird.

When I was done with that one? Damn, it was like heaven. I mean, the farther away I got from that house the better. Really. Won’t go into details, but when the entire household is nuts - and you feel bad for the residents but don’t want to be affected by their energy - you just want time and distance.

But was I really done?

Life can play tricks on you (and me - especially me). It’s how we learn. And life is truly the best teacher.

I don’t know exactly how long, but maybe 2 or 3 years passed. It was in the middle of COVID and we were all wearing those masks everywhere. Well, I get called by an agent to photograph a house. Most things were shut down or operating at reduced levels. Remember those one way aisles at Publix?

So I was happy to have a paying gig. Driving there I had no idea. I mean, I’ve photographed all over the Tampa Bay Area so I visit many places and see many homes and neighborhoods all the time.

I’m driving, jamming to my favorite playlist to get me into the vibe of rocking a house. Well things begin to look more familiar as I go. I hit the subdivision. I’ve been here before. Of course I have. I photograph all over the place. Then I get to the sub-subdivision.

Oh shit, I’ve been on this street. It’s where the ‘crazy lady’ house is. No way! I can feel the trauma start to resurface. Not to worry, Mike. What are the chances, really?

Well, I would have rather been stuck by lightning. And where is the errant bolt when you fucking need it? Please!

It’s her house!! I’m photographing here again! NO!!!!

Yes, it’s her and I think a new boyfriend this time. In those years, the house changed very little. Still had some nice spots, but mental chaos nevertheless. I mean try photographing a kitchen with people in there eating! You can ask them to move, and they will, but only a few feet. You’re still in my shot.

This was the only time I was truly grateful for the mask. I wore mine the ENTIRE time. Even while shooting exteriors. And when the agent asked me why, I told her how I had been here before (different agent) and didn’t want to be recognized. Yep. Though she was not directly crazy to me, I wanted no part of any of it. So I was incognito the whole time.

My guess is that she was loopy from a medication pill cocktail of rainbow colors (remember my rules about not moving meds, well she had a ton of them). She never let on that she had seen me before, in her house, photographing because I don’t think she recognized me.

I really try not to be critical of people. We all have our demons, problems and challenges. But when it comes to true crazy, I do my best to do my job and get the hell out, hopefully to never return.

And yet, I really do like photographing for real estate. It keeps me sharp. It makes me think very creatively when it comes to problem solving. And let me tell you, there are always problems to solve no matter how immaculate the property. But when it’s a monumental disaster? Well those can really teach you.