Some shoots inspire you. Some shoots scare you. Some shoots scar you.

Some shoots inspire you. Some shoots scare you. Some shoots scar you.

I was told that I had it easy. Just show up, photograph for an hour, then leave and get paid. I really wish it were that simple. Really, I do. But that’s not anywhere close to how things actually work.

The truth is that “reality” is much more bizarre than “fantasy” in this case. And every gig paints a whole new reality with a unique set of obstacles and challenges. There’s a distinct psychology to a shoot. Seriously. This is way beyond the technical. Shutter speed, aperture, ISO, settings. Everyone wants to know your camera settings, like that is the key.

Settings is ‘grade school’ level stuff. That alone will get you nowhere and you’ll learn it immediately on your first gig. Then it will be pounded into you for every job you do in the future. You better know how to deal with people, awkward situations, strange happenings, and every bit of the unknown. If you don’t, you’ll be doing something else very quickly.

Disasters? We all love hearing about those. Perfect shoots in immaculate luxury estates? Beautiful, magazine cover inspired, yes.

But if there’s no drama then it’s just a shoot (a shoot that you’ll have to pay the price for later). And you will pay.

So I roll up on a disaster. These can be pretty easy to spot even to the newly indoctrinated. Usually the first giveaway is the front landscape decor and exterior condition of the house. And before you flashback to that one property I told you about with the cars, boat, motorhome and ‘wall of dog’ smell, wait. You think that was the only one?

What about one even worse than that? Now we’re talking. You want the good stuff and I don’t blame you. Here it comes!

From the front, it’s like an homage to “Sanford and Son”. You know, that comedy series from the ‘70s (I loved that show). Revolves around a junkyard run by a father and his son. Hilarity ensues with every episode. But this place is worse. 

Here, it’s all too real. Stuff in the front like cars, more cars, car parts, random pieces of junk, animals, rogue tires, clutter and more clutter on top of that clutter.

In my head, I’m going over what perspectives I’m not able to photograph because of all this crap! And, no you can’t Photoshop out this much stuff.

I was met by the agent who told me that this would in fact be a bit messy. An obvious observation and I haven’t even gone inside yet. Oh, wait.

Still in the yard, I move to the detached garage/outbuilding (which is stuffed to the brim with things - everything really). And I hear animals. With animals comes poop and of course the ‘errant animal in the shot’ which I can pretty much expect from now on.

The lot is quite a bit larger that it would imply from the street. Though usually a good thing, in this case all it means is that there’s ample room for a shit-ton of junk. And there it is, more junk, a minefield of obstacles to photograph around.

A backyard fenced in area was the home to lots of livestock. Turkeys, chickens, pigs, goats, and who knows what else. But at least these dozens of animals were contained, I think.

Let’s take a look inside, shall we? Oh, hell, why did we just do that? It’s bad. It’s really bad. The custom decor of the landscape and exteriors has carried through to the interiors. Continuity aside, whether by intentional design or just a happy accident, it’s here. All of it is here. And now I know that this will be one I won’t forget.

I have policies for photographing properties like this. Don’t touch anything. Don’t move anything. Get in and get out as fast as possible. This is for both my physical health as well as for my sanity.

So I informed the agent that I would be running “available light” only and shooting “as is” for this one. No strobes, no staging, no moving. Not even the Kleenex boxes or trash cans. I touch nothing. Everything stays where it is. No exceptions.

Now before you shout “Germaphobe” at me, I have a legitimate reason for not touching or moving anything. See, in situations like this, I’ve found that by moving some mess, you reveal a mess much worse behind it. And we don’t even want to consider moving any of that.

The interiors were really dark. Illuminated only by small windows with cracks of light peeking through the closed, dark curtains, and a few lone, low-watt incandescents. Dust floaters danced on the few lonely light beam splashes. Walls were painted dark or had dark wood-like panels. Even running a trimmed down rig, I’m shooting multi-second exposures per setup just to get enough light. This was a slow process which kept me here for a lot longer than I wanted.

Food on the counters in the kitchen, dirty dishes, trash, stains, nasty windows, this place had it all. And it only got worse the more I explored.

I was shooting room to room, unsure whether they were bedrooms or living rooms. I’m just capturing images of what’s here.  Then, something moved. A cat in my shot! No, wait. That’s not a cat. It’s a goat! A goat wearing a diaper. Its freely roaming inside the house which is exactly where anyone would keep their goat, right? But at least it was wearing a diaper. Classy!

“Excuse me, sir. Is there any way we can get the goat out of here just for a little bit? It’s in my shot.” While the owner was wrangling his animal, I checked what I had already shot just to make sure there were no animals in my prior photographs. Really, a goat?

I was going to have to keep a better lookout because I wasn’t sure what animal(s) would pop up in my frame, so. Continuing…. It’s dark and creepy. Hard to tell if it’s day or night outside as the windows are blacked out. It’s one of those places. Stuff everywhere, just narrow corridors of useable space to maneuver through and infections waiting to happen.

I got to what I thought was the main living area. Hard to tell though as there was really no distinction between this and the other spaces. Only this was a bit larger. I set up and composed the shot. Out of the corner of my right eye, something moved. There’s a mannequin on the couch (I think that’s a couch) and it moved. Spooky.

Halloween was long gone, so I can rule out some sort of active decoration, maybe. But, that thing just moved! Um. Oh, it’s not a mannequin. It’s a person!

Yep, sitting on the couch in the darkest corner of an unnervingly dark, clutter-infested, stagnate room, there’s a real live human. I had been in there for maybe a couple of minutes and this person never acted or reacted to my intrusion. Never made a sound either. I said “hello” to her, a twenty-something female from what I could see, and told her I’d be done in just a minute.

Recomposed the shot to make sure she wasn’t in it and fired away. I had to double and triple check to make sure that this was in fact a real human and not some ghost. She said nothing to me the entire time. Nothing. Not a peep. It’s possible that she didn’t speak English, but I’ll never know. 

So I photographed and moved to the most interior parts of the labyrinth. Dark, creepy, then even darker and more creepy. Haunting really. And the truly scary part is that these people live like this, and seemed pretty content here. Yes they were selling but probably to get something a bit larger for all of their stuff - I guess.

With the diapered goat and shadowy human behind me, I could concentrate on the grand finale and then get the hell out. A long shower with steel wool brushes was next in my immediate future.

Here I was, in the bedrooms, I guess. Dark from blacked out windows with just an inadequate lamp or two, I was forced to continue my long exposures to get anything useable. Oh, and I wish that the darkness was my only issue. It was disgusting. Medical supplies, what looked to be both used and unused were spread throughout. Nasty stuff. Medicines, tubes, containers, buckets, urinals, swabs, pads, a real nightmare!

I can rule out using any of these images in my portfolio, that’s a given. And damn, as shocking as this was to see and visit, the worst of it was that these people lived in it. And they were nice people (at least the ones that spoke to me). Good, decent people living in this disaster.

To this day, I’m still unsure as to whether that shadow person was real or a ghost. If she was a ghost, then I’m probably going to need some serious counseling. It’s a memory that I rarely bring up, but you’re reading it now, so…. My hope is that she was real, but honestly, I don’t know.

On most of my shoots I play one of my many mental games ‘what’s the asking price’. I’ve gotten pretty good at guesstimating the ask for most properties. But for places like this one, it’s ‘what will the demolition cost?’ Because I just can’t see how something like this can be fixed without a complete leveling and a rebuild.

I’d like to say that this was the biggest disaster property I’ve ever photographed. I mean, maybe for a little while it was. But life never ceases to teach and amaze me. Of course, some time later, it did.