Hey Florida Man, you’re in my shot!

Hey Florida Man, you’re in my shot!

They aren’t all disasters, but how interested would you be in reading about one of those “non-eventful” photo shoots? That’s what I thought.

Rewind to something like 2016. I got a call to photograph a house. Agent says it was on the market as “By Owner” and that didn’t go as planned. So now it’s getting the proper treatment.

I looked online at the listing. Decent home. Really. Not bad at all. But there’s a problem. “Florida Man” is in some of the shots. And not just a little. Like he’s a feature. Him, his jeans, no shirt and pot belly. Just like that.

I can sort of understand him being in one shot. I mean, it’s been photographed by the sellers so, they are just snapping pictures. But he’s in several. Looking very “Florida Man” too. Bravo Sir! Maybe they are trying to emulate that lifestyle. So cutting edge that it has yet to come in style.

But that won’t cut it for a real listing. So I get there and I’m shooting. Dude is following me around. And yes, he’s getting in my damn shots!

No shirt and belly showing like an 8 month pregnancy. Right there for the world to appreciate. But for some reason, I don’t.

“Sir, can you please, just move a bit. You’re in my shot.”

And that’s how one of my many rules got created. Only things that are going to be sold with the home can be in the shot. But…but don’t tell the wife of that rule because she will undoubtedly push her man right back in the shot.

That’s a given. But I do have rules. Rules that I strictly enforce. Seriously Florida Man, your presence in the shot(s) is not going to help sell your house in any way. Unless there are potential buyers with “Florida Man” fetishes.

So I had to be extra cautious. This guy wouldn’t give up. If he couldn’t be in the shot, well, he’d try to be in the back of the shot. I’m in the yard and there’s dude, shirtless, on the patio.

Please go inside. And not inside by the window. If you can see me, I can see you (and I don’t want to).

But this house did have a pretty cool hot tub.

I have rules. Just like Zombieland, I have my rules. Rules that help me survive. Though mine aren’t OCD numbered, I can still share some with you.

Here’s a good one: Never ask the sellers where they are moving to. Simple enough yes, but early on I actually would ask stuff like this. Bad idea. I was just being friendly. You know, get to know the people, let them see you as just a regular person like them.

Friendly, yes. But smart? Not exactly. Though well-meaning as it may be, sometimes events like death, divorce and bankruptcy are the catalyst for the move. I learned that one quickly.

Also, no pets in shots. I don’t care how much the sellers love them. Hey, we all love our pets. No pets in listing shots. Mister Pickles is super-cute, but NO!

More rules: I don’t touch or move your guns, medications, sex toys, underwear, drug paraphernalia, toothbrushes or any other things I deem to be “personal” or expensive. If there isn’t an owner there, then I get the agent to move them (sorry agents). If they can’t be moved, I try to photograph around that stuff.

These rules have and will continue to save me from a lot of unnecessary troubles. Cardio helps too.